I have had a lot of reasons recently to ask, “Why, God?” And certainly, God has given me voice for that very question, especially in the Psalms. But, my stability and comfort have ultimately come from meditating more purposefully on “Who is God?” Especially when I recall Who God has shown up to be to me personally. He provided a gifted ER doctor for my husband, an outstanding hospitalist, an angelic home health nurse at just the right time, and “light rays” in the middle of the tunnel through various others during a recent health emergency.
I am lately reminded that my “to do” list leaves me depleted because my own weakness is overshadowed by a failure to contemplate “Who?” I would like to be the fixer, but I am woefully not. I would like to have answers to medication questions, but I have no clue. I would like to not worry or feel anxious, but I do. Yet, even in those incompetences of humanity, I trust God in Whom are all the fixes and answers and rest, ultimate and earthly. I trust in Him.
Even in the unexplainable circumstances of life, it is still true that Holy, Almighty God has a perfect plan that somehow includes me. Isaiah 46:9-10 says, “Remember the former things of old; for I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like Me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish my purpose.’ “
“Who is God?” should be my “to do” list. He provided a sense of calm as an emergency unfolded. He gave courage to an anxious wife (me) in the protocols of intravenous medication administration. He sent help at the ninth minute. Her name was Erin. And God has since provided many other mercies, both supernatural and natural.
God has called my attention to the fragility of life and my greater need for Him and His mercy. In seeking a new normal, He has directed us carefully. Sooner than later, we face needs for new housing, less responsibility, and modifications in all the activities of daily living. “Who is God in this?” Psalm 145:17-19 says, “The Lord is righteous in all His ways and kind in all His works. The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth. He fulfills the desire of those who fear Him, He also hears their cry and saves them.”
God invites us to question “Why?” but not to get cemented there. He is faithful to take the “why” out of our wrestling prayers by supplying a greater answer to “Who He is” in the tension of waiting and not knowing, suffering and not seeing an end, knowing that this very-fallen side of Heaven feels like it will last forever, but it won’t. A better question, a better landing. “Who is God?”
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